• thelotusraven


One of my main goals for HUGO: An Interactive Maze (Art Installation June 1 2019 Santa Cruz, CA) is to share the most common tactics NPD types use on their subjects of interest.

The method and use of words I will be sharing here are that from my own experience and what has helped me along my journey.

Please, always know there is help available, and love yourself enough to take the hand extended —-empower yourself to learn how to choose to leave.

Love BOMBER—RED Flag & Phase 1

People with NPD use this tactic to lay the false foundations of illusions of grandeur. They will bring out all the bells and whistles to win you over with their dapper looks, cunning charm, gorgeous beauty, “impressive resume” (ends up being totally fake) perfection dream boat chemistry, sense of concern for your desires, dreams, needs, and most crucial of all...attention.

NPD types are exquisitely aware how you carry yourself, what your responses are to personal questions, your boundaries, how you respect yourself, insecurities, and oversharing too soon. They collect this data by observing and inquiring a lot, a LOT in the beginning—-it feels as addicting as anyone’s favorite vice. Imagine that feeling on top of the brilliantly painted dreams and future plans you’ve discussed— how could anyone not fall in the trap?

People who fall in the trap, may have had a hard codependent, narcissistic, alcoholic, or substance abuse environment around when they were young. Now, being an adult they are doing the best they can with the tools they have—there’s no shame to be felt. How could you know any different?

These individuals are most likely very kind, have a extremely high empathy level, have traditions in their culture regarding marriage expectations, wealth/debt, insecurity, trauma, low if not any boundaries, focused on societal “standards”, comparisons to peers, feels sense of lack, puts everyone before themselves, has lost their connection with their inner voice, and may still use substances or vices to numb out their past/current pain.

So, with these beliefs that you have created, hardships, struggles, and what you are choosing to focus on—are extremely attractive for people with NPD.

Climbing out of the Grave —

For me, I started to question everything that I had learned from my family, everything else in my life at that point. I had a very strong friend group, and an exceptional work community that helped me lift the veils of this nightmare.

I started to look at my close friends relationships that I admired, respected, and wondered if I could share that same definition of LOVE. I spoke to my colleague about my relationship and she was a wealth of knowledge and ended up giving me the contact info for the Walnut Avenue Family and Women’s Center in Santa Cruz, CA. I reached out and had a consultation with a lovely staff member who had a worksheet and list of questions for me to:

A. Make a Plan to talk about how I Feel to see if he would be open to change.

B. Make a plan for if it turned for the worse.

VICE posted on Snapchat (great page if you have the app)

There are a lot of great instagram accounts that help survivors by acknowledging, talking about it, and validating the truth.

Here are some to note—@conversationsaboutpower



The difference between someone who has NPD, and someone who does not —is the next PHASE: Gaslamp and Isolation —will post next time!


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